What does becoming “Her” really mean?
Being “Her” across social media has become synonymous with a particular aesthetic of chromatic nude and pale pink hues, green juice, pilates abs, and living a soft girl life.
But what if when you copy & paste this pleasing aesthetic onto your own life…it just feels a little forced?
…And you don’t look as happy as that girl on tik tok did doing her morning routine? And you still have not met the love of your life? And for the life of you, you cannot nail the perfect schedule like the one you saw in that planner with the cute handwriting?
Did we all start trying to be "Her" and forget who we actually are?
Could it be that the mass’s version of “Her” isn’t really your “Her”? Social media has an insidious way of indoctrinating us with beliefs of what it means to be successful, happy, and well-loved. Beliefs that might not actually be our own.
Think of it as a “trojan horse” - you’re mindlessly scrolling (key word: mindlessly) and a video pops up of a stunning woman laughing on vacation with her equally stunning husband. The caption reads: “I started putting myself first, practiced celibacy for 3 years, and met the love of my life”.
Maybe while you are scrolling, you are simultaneously pissed off at your boyfriend because he didn’t text you when he usually does.
And without you even knowing it the subconscious part of your brain registers “that girl is happy, beautiful, and her husband treats her perfectly” and the way to get that equals “putting myself first, and practicing celibacy for 3 years”…
…and when a text comes through from your boyfriend explaining that he was running behind because he stopped to put gas in your car…you’re cold and aloof because you are now "putting yourself first”, and you might be contemplating celibacy.
Do you see the insanity?
There are 7.7 billion people on the planet. That means there are 7.7 billion versions of reality.
I always giggle a little when I have a tik tok video go viral and the comment section is filled with polarizing opinions as people vehemently defend their version of reality on a 7 second glimpse into someone else’s.
Social media apps can be giant projection machines, and if we are not mindful in how we are consuming content, we can be subconsciously convinced that someone else has the answers to life for us.
If your morning routine, your relationship, and your favorite travel spots don’t look like “Her’s” - that is OKAY.
That career looks really good on “Her” because she is in direct alignment with it. She was called to do that.
That gym routine looks really good on “Her” because it was created by listening to her own body.
That man will do anything for “Her” because she is in direct alignment with his path and who he is.
I’d like to pause for a moment to especially hit on the last point because relationships trend towards being a high point contention between the sexes - given the intense emotion and subtle insecurities that go into dating.
When we date while out of alignment with ourselves it’s a bit like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. We take (almost) any willing and able body and force them into a role in our lives and slap a label on them to temporarily soothe our insecurities and overall lack of “wholeness”.
This may work temporarily, but in time the lack of balance and ease becomes very apparent.
Relationships that just have that “thing” that particular spark of magic - the type that everyone in the room can feel, come about when two individuals are highly in alignment with who they authentically are. There is no “efforting” going on - because they both deeply want to be there.
By being someone else’s version of “Her” you are willfully holding yourself out of alignment with all that is for you.
You can have everything your heart desires (and beyond) once you start deeply and confidently standing in all the magic that is "You".
We are all here to live out our own unique Pursuit of Happiness. Forgive me for the cliché, but this is a metaphysical truth.
And it entails having the courage to look inward, to take the time to decide for OURSELVES what that slice of happiness looks like for US - not for our parents, not for our friends we’re kinda sorta trying not to outgrow, and not for what is considered trendy on a phone application.
“You can’t get what you want, pretending you’re not who you are”
Go be You,
Dani Lee, Owner/Founder D. LEE