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Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadows and Embrace Your Power

Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadows and Embrace Your Power

Hi Friends…I hope you all are finding as much joy in this transitionary period from Summer to Fall as I am (well I guess this would depend on where you are living…sorry to my Southern babes, my Team tells me it is still quite steamy there). 


Today, I want to write to you about a book that has quite literally made my life *dramatically better* within the past month. And to make sure the *dramatically better* results were not just a coincidence - I had a dear friend of mine read the book, too. Turns out she experienced the same mind-blowing results that I did. My friend did the meditation listed in the book every day back-to-back, and I did the meditation every other day (I am only including this to provide context - if you decide to pick up the book and do the mediation, feel free to decide whatever cadence works best for you).


I also want to include, I deeply understand that this book won’t be for everyone, and I’m not claiming that it is. If you feel called to it - cool. If you don’t - that’s cool too. 


Carolyn Elliott, PhD, is the author behind said mind-blowing book, Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power…and no, despite its title it has nothing to do with the bedroom. I was introduced to her work by listening to a podcast about the intricacies of shame, in which Carolyn was a guest on. Carolyn’s take on this profoundly debilitating emotion struck me as very smart…and very sexy. I ordered her book to take a deeper dive - I finished it in just two days, it was that good.


The premise of Existential Kink or “EK” is that each of us has a dual nature: we are light (conscious) and dark (unconscious). The dark side of our personality—the “other,” the shadow side—is made up of what we think is our primitive, primal, negative impulses—our “existential kink.” Our existential kink also drives the dark or negative repeating patterns in our life: always choosing the abusive partner or boss, settling for less, thinking that we’re undeserving, not worthy. But it also is the source of our greatest power.


The overarching theme of the book is that by resisting the emotions associated with these “negative” patterns, we are actually helping the patterns to repeat…again, and again, and again. Remember - what we resist, persists. Elliot’s work invites readers into their shadow by exploring the negative emotions associated with the “don’t like” patterns or situations in life.


I was very surprised by how much a part of me actually enjoyed and found pleasure in the “don’t like” situations in my life when I sat down to do the meditation. The patterns became pretty lighthearted and humorous, which allowed my conscious mind to feel safe to examine them. By going into the “negative” emotions and allowing them to just be - instead of fighting with them, I very rapidly started to notice energetic shifts in how these patterns were playing out in my life. 


Existential Kink provides practical advice and meditations so we truly see our shadow side’s “guilty pleasures,” love and accept them, and integrate them into our whole being. By doing so, Elliott shows, we bring to life the raw, hot, glorious power we all have to get what we really want in our lives.


“Until you make the unconscious, conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it Fate.” - Carl Jung 




Dani Lee, Owner/Founder Shop D. Lee

2 Replies on Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadows and Embrace Your Power

  • Erin Erin

    I have been stuck for about three months now..I cannot wait to give this a go. 🤍

  • Nazeraeh Montrond Nazeraeh Montrond

    You always seem to come through when I need a spiritual awakening, you’re the best Dani!

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