In today’s world these terms “self-love” and “becoming whole”, etc. are tossed around a dime a dozen. It seems you can’t get on social media or read a magazine without getting inundated with everything you “should” be doing. Quite frankly, I believe the way in which mental health & spirituality is being conveyed by pop-culture is really not very authentic. In the same breath, I do believe the greatest intention behind the majority of the messages is to uplift, motivate, and elevate individuals, but it’s kind of become just another rat race to keep up with. Constant messages telling you to do this mantra, this journal passage, read this book, do this yoga pose, and for God’s sake you better be consistently taking bubble baths with your new bath bombs. At a certain point you feel far more pressured than you do uplifted. It’s become the new “Keeping up with the Joneses”, and from my vantage point a lot of the messages just look flashy and lack substance.
Every single term we now hear thrown around - “manifesting”, “self-love”, “law of attraction”, etc. are not concepts you can understand from an aesthetically pleasing, perfectly edited instagram post. They are concepts that can only be truly felt and understood on a deeply personal and internal level. Don’t get me wrong, I believe sharing these concepts via social media, podcasts, or blogs (ironic lol) is important work because it incites thoughtful introspection and provides tools to those seeking them. However, I think we need to remain cognizant of the fact that anyone’s truest understanding of life can only come from their own internal being and it is unrealistic to suggest that we have the answers for anyone else. I am approached by women all throughout the day seeking my advice on certain subjects, and though I am honored to be considered someone worthy of these questions I simply cannot answer them. I don’t not answer the questions because I don’t care - I deeply care, rather I know I am not qualified to provide answers that can only be found in one’s own deep internal knowing. And ladies - we KNOW. Deep down we know. Women especially have been conditioned in our upbringing and by society to question or to dim down our internal knowing, but the term “a woman’s intuition” is absolutely a very real power. When we slow down, meditate, and take time for ourselves the answers and the understanding appears. It’s just so often that we are taught the answer is “out there” and not within us, so we don’t take the time to listen to it.
I can’t tell you what “becoming whole” or “self-love” will look like for you, but I can let you in on what it’s looked like for me. And please do let me preface this with saying - I am still very much so figuring it out Lol. The fine print of this message should read, “I’m still not sure what’s going on, but I do know I know a hell of a lot more than I used to”.
I became what I consider to be a “Whole” version of myself truly through therapy and life coaching. Yes - I enjoy re-posting and reading inspirational messages on IG. Yes - books taught me a lot. And Yes - meditating and spending time with myself is hugely helpful, but for the first time in my life I truly began to actually see and understand the power I held within when I had a “mirror” held up to me in both therapy and life coaching. I was able to identify with clarity that all the things I had subconsciously been seeking in my external environment already existed within me - within my own heart, soul, and mind. And that’s what good therapy and life coaching does - it gives you the space and tools to recognize and rely on your own power.
So in true Virgo fashion, let me give you a bulleted-point list of what “wholeness” now looks like and feels like for me:
- Loving my whole being means I embrace and accept all sides of myself (yes we all have a dark side). I’m not perfect, I may offend people at times by doing what’s best for me, and I can be very impulsive, but I accept this side of me. In accepting this side of myself, these “darker” qualities somewhat dissipate because Love is a far more powerful shapeshifter than shame.
- When wonderful opportunities or people are brought into my life I no longer let my subconscious insecurities talk myself out of them. First, I had to become aware of how my subconscious insecurities were showing up in my life (and I promise they are very sneaky!). Books, podcasts, etc. didn’t help me with this one, rather therapy and life coaching were the avenues taken for these personal discoveries.
- I trust my gut. I used to let everyone around me make my decisions for me or influence what I believed. How was I letting other people live my life for me when I don’t want to be those people?! I want to be Dani, and Dani creates her own life and makes her own decisions.
- I am much more cognizant of the beliefs and ideas I keep around me. Certain mindsets and people simply no longer belong in my life because where I’m headed is more important that hurting a few feelings (and other’s feelings are their own choice anyways, but that’s a whole other post). I have never been one to believe in “cutting off” because I truly believe as humans we all have our seasons, and there’s nothing to say that someone can’t elevate and meet you in another season, but I do strongly believe in boundaries and doing whatever necessary to keep my sights set on where I’m going. This may mean limiting certain conversations or limiting time spent.
- I boldy step into the direction of the woman I want to be because I understand my time here on Earth is better spent being THAT woman than it is spent babysitting feelings or opinions.
- I LOVE. I show up very wholeheartedly and with much less fear to friendships & relationships because I feel whole. I understand I am whole on my own and that I am my own source. That understanding cannot be touched or rocked.
Now - here comes the very ironic part of this whole post. I have been hesitate for years to truly immerse myself in the “life coaching” space because, again, I’ve seen how “flashy” it’s become. I even went through the certification classes in Chicago a few years ago. I’ve even had 100s of women reach out to me seeking this. I’ve even experienced this work changing the entire trajectory of my own life. But I was sleeping on doing this for real because I thought well my life isn’t perfect, so who am I to do this? But…
At the beginning of this year I experienced working with an absolutely incredible Life Coach, Tallia Deljou (IG - @talliadeljou). I saw firsthand just how valuable this work can be and how it, again, changed the entire trajectory of my life. I so enjoyed Tallia’s approach because rather than feeding into a lot of the “flashy” messages we now see she took an authentic approach, the only approach that works long-term. She held up a mirror for me and allowed for me to discover and see the power and answers I already had within myself. I left most of our sessions in shock with my jaw dropped after finally seeing (with crystal clear clarity) exactly where I had been subconsciously holding myself back in life and why.
After experiencing the breakthroughs myself, I realized that I can no longer hold back on sharing what I know and what I’ve realized. Together, Tallia and I, have come up with a way to share this work with any women who are interested in a six-week program that comes at a rate lesser than her typical 1-on-1 work. If you too feel called and drawn to these discoveries, I invite you to check out more information on the program Here.
- the state of feeling complete and harmonious
- the state of being unbroken or undamaged